The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, making love brings enormous significance and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).

B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to very hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, nearness, wellness, and love .

But when issues develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who go to this site works mainly with gay males, states that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in city areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Numerous gay guys wish to find out from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow gradually.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To prevent that site the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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