The Intimacy Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Skull

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).

B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to extremely tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, nearness, and well-being .

But when problems develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that numerous of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men especially in metropolitan locations, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay guys desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow with time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.

To avoid useful site the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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